Folding Chairs at the Wedding

If you're not bleeding by the second chorus, are you even feeling it?

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Release Party for "If you're not bleeding by the second chorus, are you even feeling it?" in:

The Chairs Were Never Just for Sitting.

Folding Chairs at the Wedding formed in the aftermath of a real wedding — but not the kind with cake and dancing. Legend has it that the original members were all guests at a ceremony where one of them got dumped… at the reception. The rest of them? Also recently heartbroken, trauma-bonded over cheap white wine, and ended up writing their first EP in a church basement the next day.

"We weren't even supposed to play. We were just supposed to sit and behave."

They weren't even invited to play — just seated in the back row, in the folding chairs. Hence the name. Hence the rage.

Who They Are

Vox / Guitar
The ex-theatre kid turned sad poet with a distortion pedal. Writes lyrics like it's still 2004 and everyone just left for college.
Guitar 2 / Screams / Backing Vox
Got expelled for turning a history presentation into a concept album.
Bass
Wears sunglasses indoors, hasn't spoken about their breakup yet.
Drums
Keeps the beat like they're holding back tears. Probably are.

Fans theorize the lineup has changed several times — but no one ever confirms or denies it. That's part of the mystery.

"We don't break up with people. We haunt them instead."

— Found on a bleeding lyric sheet inside their tour merch

Years of Ruining Our Own Lives For The Aesthetic

2007

Band forms at a disastrous wedding. No one remembers who got married. Everyone remembers who left crying.

2008

First EP: Please RSVP to My Emotional Breakdown (cassette-only, now out of print and mythologized).

2011

National attention after viral performance of "We Only Cried Twice (But It Lasted an Hour)."

2014

Breakup rumors swirl. Band tweets "you can't break up what never healed."

2016

Surprise album drops at 2:13 a.m. with no promotion. Entirely written in lowercase.

2025

If You're Not Bleeding by the Second Chorus, Are You Even Feeling It? released. Cult status.

2025 (Later)

We Only Reunite in Songs and Nightmares enters production. Rumored to be the final album, or the beginning of a trilogy. Depending who you ask.

Exclusive Interviews

Real conversations with the band that never happened, but should have.

"We're Not Sad, We're Just Overwhelmed in Minor Key."

Alt Scream:

You've said your debut album was inspired by a breakup that "felt like a house fire but slower." Can you elaborate?

Folding Chairs at the Wedding:

Yeah. Imagine a relationship ending in a group chat, while your favorite band plays in the background. We wanted the record to feel like that moment — uninvited, dramatic, and too loud to ignore. Every track is a room in that burning house.

Alt Scream:

Why folding chairs?

FCatW:

Because no one stays. We're not permanent seating. We're just there for the ceremony and the emotional fallout.

Alt Scream:

What's your favorite lyric you regret writing?

FCatW:

Probably from Track 4: "I kissed you like a panic attack." It's real. But it also got tattooed on someone's thigh within 72 hours of release.

Alt Scream:

Is it true you recorded the vocals for Track 7 in a walk-in closet with no lights?

FCatW:

Yes. We think songs sound better when sung in the dark with unresolved guilt.

📝 Interview by Sarah Chen 📸 Photos by Mike Rodriguez 🎵 Soundtrack: "Bleeding in Stereo"

"If It's Not Crying in a Van, It's Not Real Music."

Black Hoodie Zine:

What do you say to people who call your music "overdramatic"?

Folding Chairs at the Wedding:

We say thank you. It took years of internal chaos to get this theatrical.

Black Hoodie Zine:

Your band has a reputation for leaving an empty chair on stage. Is that symbolic?

FCatW:

It started as a tribute to our ex-drummer. But now it's just a reminder that something's always missing.

Black Hoodie Zine:

Any pre-show rituals?

FCatW:

We read old texts we never sent, drink gas station coffee, and yell "for closure!" in unison.

Black Hoodie Zine:

The new bonus track — is it about someone specific?

FCatW:

Yes. And no. It's about every version of ourselves we had to kill to survive someone else.

Black Hoodie Zine:

Last question: How do you want people to feel after listening?

FCatW:

Like they've just walked out of a wedding they weren't invited to… but still cried during the vows.

📝 Interview by Alex Thompson 📸 Photos by Jamie Lee 🎵 Soundtrack: "Van Life Blues"

* These interviews are completely fictional and should not be taken as actual journalism. Unless you want to.

The Chairs Speak

There were never four members

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There were never four members — only one and their projections. The band's lineup has always been fluid, with members appearing and disappearing like shadows in an empty reception hall.

"We are all the same person, just at different stages of heartbreak."

— Anonymous fan forum post, 2019
Click to reveal the truth

Track 7 syncs with breakup texts

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Track 7 on the debut album syncs perfectly with a breakup text if read aloud during the bridge. Fans have documented this phenomenon extensively on Reddit.

"I tried it. It works. I'm not okay."

— Reddit user u/heartbroken_emo_kid
Click to reveal the truth

They only release after heartbreaks

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They only release albums after heartbreaks. If they're quiet, someone's being loved. The band's creative output directly correlates with their emotional devastation.

"Silence means happiness. We prefer the noise."

— Band tweet, 2023
Click to reveal the truth

The band name is a metaphor

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The band name is a metaphor: you were never meant to stay. Just sit, witness, and leave. Like the temporary nature of love itself.

"We're all just temporary guests at love's reception."

— Interview quote, 2021
Click to reveal the truth

Click each theory to reveal hidden truths. The chairs have more to say than you think.

We Don't Beef, We Marinate

Folding Chairs vs. The Corsages (2010–2012)

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Started when both bands used the phrase "bleeding on the dance floor" in a chorus. Ended when they co-headlined a tour called "Makeup Sex and Merch Sales."

2010 "Bleeding on the Dance Floor" released by The Corsages
2011 FCatW releases "Bleeding on the Dance Floor (But It's Different)"
2012 Joint tour announced: "Makeup Sex and Merch Sales"
"We realized we were both bleeding for the same reasons. So we decided to bleed together."
— Joint statement, 2012
Click to marinate in the drama

Folding Chairs vs. their own fanbase (Ongoing)

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After scrapping a long-teased acoustic EP and replacing it with 12 minutes of ambient voicemail recordings, fans rioted on Tumblr. The band replied with a tweet: "We hurt because you care."

Voicemail #1 (2:34)

"Hey, it's me. I know you said you didn't want to talk, but I just wanted to say... [static] ...maybe we could just sit in silence together? Like we used to?"

Voicemail #7 (1:47)

"I'm at the coffee shop where we first met. The barista asked about you. I told her you moved to a different city. She said that's what everyone says."

"We hurt because you care. And we care because we hurt."
— Band tweet, 2023
Click to marinate in the drama

Folding Chairs vs. Their Old Drummer (2013–???)

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The band won't speak about it. Neither will he. But on stage, they always leave an empty chair. Rumors abound.

"He left during soundcheck..."
"Said he couldn't play to songs about heartbreak..."
"When his own heart was still whole..."
"We don't talk about it. The chair talks for us."
— Anonymous band member
Click to marinate in the drama

Click each feud to marinate in the drama. Some wounds never heal, they just scab over.

Discography of the Damned

Their first album, If You're Not Bleeding by the Second Chorus, Are You Even Feeling It?, was rumored to be based on a collection of unsent letters and actual voicemails from a shared heartbreak between two members.

Their upcoming second album, We Only Reunite in Songs and Nightmares, is said to complete that emotional arc — but the band insists "nothing ever ends, it just fades out slower."

"nothing ever ends, it just fades out slower."
Click to reveal the truth
EP Cover - Please RSVP to My Emotional Breakdown
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"Please RSVP to My Emotional Breakdown"

2008 8:47 Original Cassette-Only EP

Their first release, originally cassette-only and reissued in heartbreak and hiss. Three tracks of raw emotion recorded before anyone knew their name.

01 I Tied My Self-Worth to Your RSVP and You Didn't Even Show 2:59
02 A Parking Lot Confession in C Sharp (You Never Deserved the Chorus Anyway) 2:44
03 Polaroids Don't Cry (But I Still Do in the Background) (Secret Track) 3:04
Album Cover - If You're Not Bleeding by the Second Chorus, Are You Even Feeling It?
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"If You're Not Bleeding by the Second Chorus, Are You Even Feeling It?"

2024 37:21 Independent

A collection of unsent letters and actual voicemails from a shared heartbreak between two members. Twelve tracks of raw emotion, clever wordplay, and the kind of honesty that only comes from bleeding through your second chorus.

01 If You're Not Bleeding by the Second Chorus, Are You Even Feeling It? 3:25
02 Your Ghost Wears My Hoodie 3:01
03 Parking Lot Apology Tour (feat. voicemail) 3:00
04 Dramatic Pause (Then a Breakdown) 3:19
05 Cherry Cola and Passive Aggression 2:52
06 This Song's Not About You (It's Completely About You) 3:03
07 Confetti in My Wounds 3:18
08 The Girl at the Merch Table Knew My Ex 3:09
09 Crying in Power Chords 3:05
10 Acoustic Track That Will Ruin You Emotionally (Actual Title) 2:52
11 The Song I'll Play If You Ever Show Up Again 2:54
12 Untitled (Track Twelve Always Hurts the Most) 3:23

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